It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
