you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
