how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
