Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
