I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the day after is always just damage control
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
