At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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