Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
