Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
