I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
