Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
