she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
