Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
