part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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