i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
