there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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