So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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