Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
