Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
