Your face is a jimmy john
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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