1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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