Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
