dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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