There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
