i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
