hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
