Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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