Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
