Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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