So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
