sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
