I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
