I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
