We won't sleep together?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
