in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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