My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
