I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
