just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
