Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
