I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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