So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
