yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
