I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
