So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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