you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
