well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
