The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
