Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
