guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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