When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
