I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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