Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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