Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
