My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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