Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am puke
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
